Mental Control

So a week ago or so I ventured out into my old life. A night on the town with friends. Dinner, a little conversation, and a show. Didn't seem very stressful at the time, but the week before had been pretty full, 3 pilates sessions, some grocery shopping involving heavy lifting, and the night out was the icing on the stressful cake. The next day it was quite clear I'd done too much too soon.

How depressing. And the more depressed I got about my backslide, the worse I felt. By last Wednesday I was back doing nothing but sinking into the couch. Trying not to talk. Not making dinner. Not lifting anything.

Friday I snapped. Or rather my husband snapped and he finally got through to me. Physically I'm going to feel however I'm feeling. But I don't need to make it worse by stressing out. And to be sure, stress makes me feel worse. When I drink wine I'm able to talk better, my chest loosens up. The alcohol isn't doing anything but relaxing me.

So I've been trying to pay attention. When I feel my chest tighten up I take a deep breath and concentrate on letting the tension go. Ahhhh. When I feel my throat start to close from talking too much, I engage my brain and tell myself there is NO reason why it should be that stressful, another deep breath, and my talking is easier, my chest hurts less.

Reactive Airway Dysfunction Syndrome is just that, a dysfunction. The initial irritant to my respiratory system, the forest fire smoke, hasn't been here since July. But my system is stuck in hyper-reactive mode, that's the dysfunction. I need to get my head in the game and realize that while I need to respect the physical limitations imposed by the condition, I can mitigate it with my brain. I can relax. I can impose my will...a little. It's not all in my head, there's definitely a physical reality that needs to be respected, I can't just do what I want, but I don't need to make it WORSE by stressing out over it.